American Thunder Down Under

G'day mates, sheilas, and roos alike,

     For those who don't know (or those who haven't figured it out from the cliches yet), yours truly has been spending time in Australia. Sadly, this is being typed up in the final hours before a long slog back home. It has been nearly a month since my feet last stood on American soil, and oh the things I have seen since... So as with all adventures, let's begin at the start.

     As the time drew near to depart for Australia, a blizzard rolled in and old man winter did his best to give me one last "F*** you". But despite numerous delays and having to sprint through two different airports, by the grace of god, I made my flight out of the US. Of course, not to be outdone by me, old man winter saw to it that my bags wouldn't show up for another 5 days.

     Our plane landed in Sydney and without consent our plane was decontaminated with a heavy dosing of some unknown aerosol. Despite making some bad noise about it, I have still not been informed as to what it was and the voices keep getting louder and this twitch keeps getting, this twitch keeps getting, this twitch keeps getting worse. The weather was warm in Sydney and I finally got to shed my wintertime long johns. We walked down to the harbor for lunch and it sunk in quickly just how expensive Australia was going to be. I'm talking $30 for a standard hamburger in Sydney.

     We got to stay in probably the nicest hotel I have ever been in. Due to a miscommunication I was upgraded to the "relaxation suite" where the booze and prawns were free, and the jacuzzi tub was huge. Here is the view from my tub...

     Upon seeing the room and the view, your humble narrator burst into an uncontrollable laughter, a little perplexed but oh so pleased to be in that situation. Our stay in Sydney was only a quick stopover. The next day we got up and flew out. Next stop... the outback.

     The Red Center, The Never Never, it goes by many names. The biggest town for hours and hours is a place called Alice Springs. For those of you who cant quite picture the size and magnitude of Australia, it is pretty much the same size as the continental United States. Now picture the only decent sized town is in Kansas and every other city is coastal. Now picture a desert that fills most of the country. Hopefully that puts it into perspective for you. It feels like the wild wild west though and lives up to its reputation. It is a hot, dry, and unforgiving place. It is interesting to imagine the many who called such a place home long before Alice Springs was even a city.

     The parallels are quite interesting (and sad) between the plight of the Aborigines and the Native Americans. Those that choose not to just reside in their government allowed land/reservations seem to have a hard time in modern (let me rephrase that; white) society. There is a very distinct and harsh line drawn between the White's and the Aborigine's and the attitude seems to be one of mildly-annoyed tolerance, much like a house guest you would like to have leave. So sad that it was their house long before early Europeans kicked down the door.

     Surprisingly, for a place that is notoriously dry, it rained on us at least four days. It was nice as it caused the weather to be quite tolerable, although there were a number of days where it was 105 in the shade. The job in which I was out there to do went smoothly (I cant tell you anymore about it or your computer would self-destruct and I might have to kill you (but who really wants to hear about work anyways?)). Unfortunately there was only one car amongst the guys I was working with, so exploration was minimal. We did get one day where we kinda drove around to see the sights. Above is a watering hole which was a great place for a swim. If one were so bored, or so inclined as to try and watch sports on TV, you should be warned... they don't have golf, it's cricket. No (American) football, just rugby. Oh, you wanna watch some basketball?? Nope, you get netball... netball? Really? There was one sport that was quite fun to watch called Australian football. It's like rugby and soccer had a lovechild who's a violent drunk. 

     Anywho, the job finished up and it was time to leave Alice Springs. The guys I was out there working with all flew home, but I had other plans. {Here is where the story gets interesting} Leaving Alice Springs, we all flew back to Sydney. The following day I caught a train down to Melbourne (pronounced Mel Burn). After spending the night and the better part of the next day there, I caught a flight out to a place I have long dreamed of visiting... Tasmania! Let me tell ya folks, if there were a place handcrafted for a man of my nature, it is Tasmania; wild, rugged, and desolate. If one were so inclined, one could surf in the morning, mountain bike in the afternoon, and climb in the evening in total solitude and with minimal driving.

     I would like to take this moment to stress how amazing couchsurfing (https://www.couchsurfing.org/) is to anyone traveling. I stayed with two different hosts while in Tasmania and the amount of trust and generosity bestowed upon me by these gentlemen is almost hard to grasp. From airport transportation, to being fed and entertained, to being allowed to use a personal vehicle without any hesitation (they drive on the left side of the road mind you... now that's trust in a total stranger).

     One of the things I got to do was go to an animal rehabilitation site. This place, called Boonarong, takes in wallabies, kangaroos, koalas, wombats, and Tasmanian devils that have been injured. There must have been at least 70 kangaroos here and everyone of them was friendly, pending you had some tasty oats to feed them. Here is a little joey nibblin' some oats.

I had a few goals in mind for my time in Tassie. Jumping in the Southern Ocean was one of them. The next day there I drove down to the very southern tip of the island and had myself a quick dip.... very quick. Again, as you can see from this picture: solitude.
    
     The absolute highlight of my entire trip was something that has been at the top of my "bucket list" (I despise that term) for a long time. There are these very iconic rocks right off the coast of Tasmania in a place called Fortescue Bay. I have seen these pictures (and perhaps you have as well; do a google search on the Totem Pole) and dreamed of climbing them one day. Allow me to paint the scene on this one...

     My partner and I (a guide which I sadly had to pay a hefty fee for) began the hike in on this beach. Walking along the shore as the waves crashed in, the sun began to shine on this pristine white sand beach with no signs of civilization. We found the small trail and had an hour and a half hike in through old growth rain forest. The humidity and smell of fresh, healthy earth was so thick you could almost chew on it. After the pleasant hike in we came to the cliff. We dropped our backs and hiked down to the edge to where the rock was in view. The cliff was about 300 feet straight down to the ocean and my guide kept offering me the precautions similar to that a mother might have with a 4 year old near a cliff edge. We rounded the final corner and there it was... The Moai.

     Standing proudly like a sentinel guarding the cliffs, this thin pillar seemed to defy gravity and the great forces which sought to knock it down. It was truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Even now, recalling that moment it nearly brings a tear to my eye. We geared up and made the rappel down to the base. There was one climb on it in particular that I wanted to lead (be the first to climb, placing gear along the way). The rock was perfectly dry and "the best conditions" the guide had ever seen it in. I began the climb which started on the side facing away from the photo. The climb spiraled up to the top, going directly over the water. It took your fearless leader a moment and a number of deep breaths to ignore the crashing waves below and keep climbing. The summit was reached and I shit you not, all around us in the ocean, a group of dolphins and a lone whale were jumping out of the water. There are truly no words that could express what I felt at that moment.

     We climbed one last route (a very hard route this guide had put up almost 20 years ago) and headed out. We made it home safely and I drank, ate, and slept deeply, feeling like I had truly accomplished one of the greatest goals in my life.

     Reaching the top of The Moai marked the climax of my trip and after that, it slowly began to sink in that the end of my trip was nearing. It has since been a slow progression to get home and I now sit in the Sydney airport waiting to get on with my 23 hour trip home.  There are a hundred other things which were worth mentioning about this trip, but sadly those must be kept to myself. It is not clear yet what the near future holds for me, but rest assured, I will be enjoying myself in the meantime. I hope you are too!

Truly, madly, deeply,
Dan